Lent update

I'll try and keep it short and simple because I've jotted down my diet/weight loss/healthy eating updates SOOO many times, and it'd tedious.

So lent started on wednesday. I gave up all the rubbish that causes me to gain weight.
The only thing is, I'm not allowed to make myself sick either, so anything I eat has to stay down, which I hate, as it always makes me feel uncomfortably and sweatily bloated and fat.

It's Sunday and I've stuck to the plan pretty well so far. I haven't ate meat, chocolate, sweets, junk food (which I don't eat anyway). Saturday, yesterday, is the only day off I've had.

I had a few biscuits and a roll of fresh bread.

I've started exercising every day and I LOVE IT. I really do. I went for a jog on saturday night at about 11:30 and it was so quiet and dark and cold. It was really lovely, if not a tiny bit scary (especially since my route does involve going past a few dark fields and isolated streets).

I dread to think how much I weigh since I've been keeping food down, but I'm trying to think about the bigger picture - I'm barely eating carbs and doing cardio everyday.

I'm on my period this week so I have the gorgeous, bloated, flabby hips us ladies are lucky enough to get. It's hard to tell about any improvements on my stomach but I do feel a bit ribbier/hip-bonier. But as I said, with a big, painful, period bloated belly it's unclear what's a perminant exercise-achieved improvement and what's lack of food for one day.

I think I can honestly stick to this diet. The only thing I miss is having something to eat with a cup of coffee, but I think not having that little pointless piece of calories could help in the long run.

I'm having an unhealthy day

It's 11:06am and already I've had a bowl of cereal, a milkybar yogurt, a cream egg and a wierd apricot brandy chocolate. Tomorrow is lent and for it I am going to give up everything bad in my life, including bulimia. So today I plan to eat little fruit, no salad, and maybe go a bit sugar/carb crazy. Actually, maybe not carb crazy. A bowl of cereal and a slice or two of toast perhaps.

So for lent, I am going to give up

- Chocolate
- Limit myself to one yogurt a day
- Bread
- Any cereal other than corn flakes or bran flakes (one bowl a day)
- I don't eat junk anyway, but still no junk food
- Biscuits
- Alcohol (not that I drink it much anyway)
- Snacking in general

A little realisation

Yesterday, I had a little realisation about how bad my eating disorder is. I went to bed thinking I'd had a really good day. It then dawned on me - I had made myself sick 5 times that day.

I must be really something when a girl who has made herself sick several times on 5 different occasions in one day thinks she's has a good day.

I think next week when I'm really on track with my exercise and diet I'll start posting my calorie intake and daily diet, but at the minute it would probably do me more harm than good to see my pretty slap-dash eating habits.

On the exercise front, I think it's safe to say my running has definately improved since before Christmas. Last night I did my 2 mile run then went to the gym for about an hour.
Waking up this morning my stomach was a bit bloated but not too bad.

On the right track...

One of the really shitty things about bulimia is that you get into mindsets about food and what you can and can't do. These mindsets are hightened and usually made worse when you're going through a rubbish times.

For instance, two weeks ago I was eating 1000 cals a day (purging once a day at most), heading to the gym every night, not snacking, feeling good!

Last week, which I will say was one of the worst weeks I've had depression-wise in a long time, I was eating cereal and bread and coffee with cereal bars. I'd feel guilty so I'd make myself puke. My stomach was empty so I felt I could eat again.
By doing this and with my terribly slow metabolism it's needless to say I gained a few. Although technically I gained 1lb -- looks wise? I could have gained about 7. My stomach was painfully bloated and my throat and teeth definately felt the strain.

So today after yet again feeling that agonising anger and disapointment in myself of the crap start to a new weekly of a fresh diet.

So tonight, Tuesday 10th February, I did the same 1 mile run 4 times. I've just checked it on mapmyrun.com and it's a tiny bit over 1 mile.

The first time I did it it was about 10 minutes 30 seconds. The third time I did it it 9 minutes 30 second. The fourth time I was too tired to complete it so I took a little shortcut and finished a tiny bit quicker but in a lot of pain haha.
I listened to a Scott Mills podcast throughout, mun. I proper love him doot.

So anyway, after my 4 miles of running I was definately in that mindset of "I've just worked out and really don't want to ruin my achievements by eating". So hopefully, if I keep running and working out, the mindset might stick. I hope anyway :)

An admittedly bad start

Yesterday marked the start of my new diet that I was 100% going to stick to and was going to have me lose loads of weight. Uh oh.

I am going to be easy on myself as my only downfall yesterday came when I went to my friend's house with her birthday presents and whilst watching 'our' film, nibbled on yogurt coated banana chips, yogurt coated raisins, grapes, and pink smarties. I didn't eat a great deal of crap and was 8/10 on the healthy food scale during the day, but I still felt shit when I got home.

I did a lot of jogging yesterday and I can honestly say I think my running has improved. Using the stopwatch on my new phone I'm gonna start timing my runs. I've just calculated using mapmyrun.com the distance of the run I do 3/4 times a week from my house to my gym, and know it's just over 2 miles. Tonight when I go I'm definately going to time myself.

The last supper

Okay, so it's sunday night and I've decided that since I'm starting a HUGE diet tomorrow that I'm allowed to pig out, she says whilst drinking coffee and dunking rich tea biccies.

I've done this so many times and to be honest, the guilt of a bloated stomach the morning of a diet DOES work.

So I'm currently watching the BAFTAS. It was absolutely great to see Heath win. They say the BAFTAS often foreshadow the results at the oscars, so... fingers crossed, eh?
I am also loving all the awards slumdog millionaire are getting! I am still yet to see the film but from what I've seen and heard, it's extraordinary. I just love Danny Boyle and love seeing hard-working british talent getting what they deserve. Waiting to announce best director...

YAY! He won.
I'm guessing Mickey Rourke will win leading actor and Kate Winslet will win lead female (Heath, as mentioned before, won supporting actor, and Penelope Cruz won supporting female).