I like snow

After getting off to a turbulent start to the frosty season, I have now resolved my issues and am again friends with the snow.

There was no way in hell I was doing any jogging last night - the snow around my area was DEEP!! So instead I wrapped up in my huge hoody with my big scarf and beanie hat along with my Kate Moss style wellies, armed myself with a few poop bags, and took my puppy on a lovely long walk.

Despite living in one of the fairly big cities in Britain, the area around me has quite a few fields and little parks. So I treated poochy woochy pants to some untouched snowy areas where he could run around like a mad dog. Which he did. A lot. Which made me laugh. A lot.
He did that thing that little dogs do when they bound and leap when they run so they look like big rabbits. He also kept frantically eating the snow as we walked along. Crazy dawg.

The snow also proved incredibly useful when it came to picking up his crap, as the snow sort of frozen the poop which made it easier to collect. Yum, eh?

Who I want to look like

I know this sounds very wannabe/thinspo/disorder-promoting/pathetic blah blah but this is honestly who I think are the best looking girls around, and who I look to in terms of weight and style.

The stunning Jennifer Connelly. I will admit, she has gotten very skinny lately but according to various sites this is more stress-induced due to the death of her dad and running after her kids as apposed to extreme dieting. But anyway, if we see past her waif figure SHE IS AMAZING LOOKING! And look at that dress. And those shoes. And she is honestly one of the only people I've seen truely work the thicker eyebrow look. Actually, one of my closest friends has thick but perfectly groomed eyebrows and she looks good.

Zooey Deschanel - true natural beauty. She is an example of how someone can be naturally pretty and not rely on tons of make-up, yet can still dress up and work the fakes lashes if she wanted to. Plus, that outfit in the above picture is the only time when it's acceptable to wear silver shoes. Ever. And I actually like them. Plus, she's funny and talented (I have learnt to look past the huge mistake she made having a role in the shiteous 'The Happening'...)
Another thing I like about her is that she is a healthy skinny. I'm guessing she's roughly a british size 8, doesn't weigh more than 120 lbs (definately not, actually) but she doesn't look gaunt, ill, anorexic, too thin. Just good natural thinness.
Now here's my favourite actress turned fashionista, the quirky and very stylish Chloe Sevigny. From one of the blogs I follow (theskinnywebsite.com) I know a lot of people don't find her attractive at all. I, on the other hand, admire her unconventional looks and very, genuinely unique approach to the latest fashions. She is definately more fashion expert than actress now but she honestly knows her stuff, unlike the girls from the hills who are all 'designers' now. Yeah. Ofcourse.
I LOVE what Chloe wears almost all of the time. And even when I don't, it's usually still very original, which makes me like her more. I think she also has a great figure.

Wardrobe wishlist

I saw these in Look Magazine and thought they were so cool! Wore with a busy top and the wrong shoes - dodgy. But I think if wore with a quite tight white vest top and some hot dark brown sandals with a bit of a tan and some good sunglasses, they could really work.
Joules Clothing - £29.99 I do love my tights. I d0n't really like my legs (although, I am quite fortunate in that I only shave them about 4 times a year as they are really, really, really unhairy haha - nice) but I do like wearing the occasional skirt or dress or pair of shorts, and think tights just really smarten up the look! I quite like this dotty french connection pair.

French Connection - £19.75
I really like this floral print! I do quite like River Island but find most of their clothes (particularly the dresses) all the same. So when I saw this print I just thought it was awesome. I think teamed with a marl grey cardigan (with the sleeves rolled up), quite thick denier black tights and some high black strappy court shoes, finished with either a gold or pearl headband - nice.
River Island - £44.03This dress is pretty against type for me. I'm... hmm.. not grungey by any means but quite quirky, indie-kitsch, with running undertones of vintage, skatery, surfery style. But I do love the 60s/70s style, and this cream shift with little floral detail I think it pretty sexy. With a vintage waist belt and brown tights, then either brown or black pumps.

French Connection
R.R.P - £100

ASOS Red - £25.00

I absolutely adore this dress and this label. I know this sort of arty, watercolour/astract canvas print is in this season and this is my personal favourite dress I've seen. Quite similar to the dress Anna Faris wore at a recent film festival. The only problem (for me, anyway) would be the cut out shoulders as with my rubbish tits I HAVE to wear a bra and I probably wouldn't be able to.
Dahlia - £58.75 I want want want this coat. So much. I absolutely love, always have and always will, houndstooth and gingham print. Before Xmas I bought a gingham trench coat in a sale for £15 and, with it being quite loud and dressy, I never get an opportunity to wear it. Plus, the material is quite thin so I doesn't keep me very warm. But this is a proper, nice thick, warm coat that I could probably wear everyday. It's quite long so I could wear it with a little pair of shorts or a skirt with tights and biker boots or little pumps, so it sort of looks like a big dress. Or, with black flood-length drainpipes and patent deck shoes. Or even red deck shoes actually. A retro pair of shades would just finish the look.

Oli - £30.00

I really fancy a pair of quite extravagant heels. Blue is not a colour I usually like but I've noticed lately how a pair of aqua/turquoise detailed heels can be added to almost any kind of outfit to just make it pop. I think one of the best ways to wear those heels is with a floaty, cream dress and minimul accesories.

(from left to right)

Giuseppe Zanotti - £430.63
Kurt Geiger - £180
Steve Madden - £89

A little realisation

Yesterday, I had a little realisation about how bad my eating disorder is. I went to bed thinking I'd had a really good day. It then dawned on me - I had made myself sick 5 times that day.

I must be really something when a girl who has made herself sick several times on 5 different occasions in one day thinks she's has a good day.

I think next week when I'm really on track with my exercise and diet I'll start posting my calorie intake and daily diet, but at the minute it would probably do me more harm than good to see my pretty slap-dash eating habits.

On the exercise front, I think it's safe to say my running has definately improved since before Christmas. Last night I did my 2 mile run then went to the gym for about an hour.
Waking up this morning my stomach was a bit bloated but not too bad.

Snow

It's snowing in England again. Yay. Not.

This is the only year I've really noticed it but it is REALLY impossible to walk in this snow! It's really wet snow aswell. In other years I'd be able to walk to school without a hat or hood and have a few snowflakes in my hair. NOW - drowned rat alert.
For instance, around xmas time I walked to school (which is just over half a mile) in the snow and my hair was dripping when I got there. Luckily I had a hairband in my bag so I could scrape my fringe back and put my hair up, but it did make my hair look really dirty.

One thing I will admit though - the snow is pretty.

On the right track...

One of the really shitty things about bulimia is that you get into mindsets about food and what you can and can't do. These mindsets are hightened and usually made worse when you're going through a rubbish times.

For instance, two weeks ago I was eating 1000 cals a day (purging once a day at most), heading to the gym every night, not snacking, feeling good!

Last week, which I will say was one of the worst weeks I've had depression-wise in a long time, I was eating cereal and bread and coffee with cereal bars. I'd feel guilty so I'd make myself puke. My stomach was empty so I felt I could eat again.
By doing this and with my terribly slow metabolism it's needless to say I gained a few. Although technically I gained 1lb -- looks wise? I could have gained about 7. My stomach was painfully bloated and my throat and teeth definately felt the strain.

So today after yet again feeling that agonising anger and disapointment in myself of the crap start to a new weekly of a fresh diet.

So tonight, Tuesday 10th February, I did the same 1 mile run 4 times. I've just checked it on mapmyrun.com and it's a tiny bit over 1 mile.

The first time I did it it was about 10 minutes 30 seconds. The third time I did it it 9 minutes 30 second. The fourth time I was too tired to complete it so I took a little shortcut and finished a tiny bit quicker but in a lot of pain haha.
I listened to a Scott Mills podcast throughout, mun. I proper love him doot.

So anyway, after my 4 miles of running I was definately in that mindset of "I've just worked out and really don't want to ruin my achievements by eating". So hopefully, if I keep running and working out, the mindset might stick. I hope anyway :)

An admittedly bad start

Yesterday marked the start of my new diet that I was 100% going to stick to and was going to have me lose loads of weight. Uh oh.

I am going to be easy on myself as my only downfall yesterday came when I went to my friend's house with her birthday presents and whilst watching 'our' film, nibbled on yogurt coated banana chips, yogurt coated raisins, grapes, and pink smarties. I didn't eat a great deal of crap and was 8/10 on the healthy food scale during the day, but I still felt shit when I got home.

I did a lot of jogging yesterday and I can honestly say I think my running has improved. Using the stopwatch on my new phone I'm gonna start timing my runs. I've just calculated using mapmyrun.com the distance of the run I do 3/4 times a week from my house to my gym, and know it's just over 2 miles. Tonight when I go I'm definately going to time myself.